To Die By Your Side
by tealeavesandmoonlight
Summary: Jim has dreams of dying sometimes.


Sebastian Moran was growing impatient. He and Jim had a party to go to which started in less than half an hour and Jim was still shut up in the bathroom doing god knows what to get ready. Enough was enough. For once this was an important event and Sebastian was determined to arrive on time.

He walked to the bathroom and opened the door. It was strange that it was unlocked. If this had been one of Jim's usual strops he would have locked the door. Sebastian knew that Jim loved it when he kicked down doors.

As Sebastian entered their small bathroom his suspicions were confirmed. This was in no way _normal_, for whatever that was worth to the likes of them. Jim was sitting in an almost overflowingly full bathtub, clothed in one of his Westwood suits staring out the window. He looked like the lost little hurt boy he had once been. His eyes flickered to Sebastian and back to the window and Sebastian shut the door. Sebastian shucked his shoes and loosened his tie as he assessed the best course of action.

"Sebastian," Jim began without looking from the window, "what do you think it would be like to drown? They say it's very like going to sleep, if you accept it and don't fight that is."

Sebastian crouched down next to the tub, "Well I suppose it would be."

Jim shrugged delicately. "You know Seb, I had a dream." Jim turned to look down at Sebastian his eyes unguarded and fragile as a child's.

Sebastian stood and pulled Jim's body forward in the tub then climbed in behind him. The water overflowed onto the ground but the tub was just big enough to hold them both. Sebastian wound his arms around Jim and guided his head back to lean upon his shoulder. He stayed still and silent then, waiting for Jim to continue.

After what felt like a lifetime Jim began to speak. "In the first part of the dream I was drowning alone. I didn't struggle or fight. It wasn't peaceful like they said it would be at all Seb, it was lonely and I felt so cold. Instead of waking after it all went black I came to in the dream and was drowning all over again. This time you were there though, and you held me as we both sunk. It was so beautiful Seb, the most heavenly way to die."

Sebastian squeezed Jim tighter and leaned down to his ear, "Jim, my love, whenever our time comes it will be us together. I'll hold you through it all and no matter how we go it will be just like falling asleep."

Jim leaned closer to Sebastian. "We could do it right now. Together. Just sink down and let it all go. Let it all burn itself down without our help."

Chuckling Sebastian buried his nose in Jim's hair and inhaled, smelling the mix of shampoo, cologne and Jim that he was so used to. "You know I would gladly die for you any day Jim. Today, however, we have a reason to live. Each other."

Jim let out a huff of air. "I suppose so." His hand drifted to pet Sebastian's leg. "Seb, do you think we could sleep together tonight? Just hold each other and sleep?" He turned his face towards Sebastian, his gaze searching.

"Of course Jim." Sebastian leaned back and petted Jim's hair, trying to soothe his obviously troubled mind.

"Sebastian, I love you more than words can ever say. You are the best thing in this life."

Sebastian Moran, ex-army sniper, cold-blooded killer of hundreds, torture aficionado and self proclaimed physcopath blinked back tears at these words.

"It's worth it all just for you. I love you James."

Jim leaned up and kissed Sebastian the way other couples kiss; slow, full of love and feelings that can never be put into words. It was then that Sebastian knew that something was very very wrong indeed.

When He awoke the next morning Sebastian found a note next to his pillow.

_Dear Seb,_  
><em>There was something I had to go do. Everything<em>  
><em>I said last night I meant. Every second you have<em>  
><em>been in my life has been better than the last.<em>

_I will love you forever,_  
><em>your Jim<em>

Sebastian knew in his heart that Jim was never coming back.

Three years and a thousand lifetimes later Sebastian sat in the small bathroom in the apartment he and Jim used to share. He had a loaded gun in one hand and Jim's note in the other. He looked from the gun, to the note, to the tub. Jim had said it would feel like falling asleep.

He turned on the tap and stepped into the tub fully clothed. Seb smiled for the first time since he had last kissed Jim. He knew that when he awoke he would be with his Jim.


End file.
